I Never Go ShoppingOctober 14, 2013

I never go shopping…

But I was in Kaune’s grocery store with five items in my cart. Just a few things I needed to watch the Broncos play the Cowboys: pepperoni, bologna, Tabasco, salami and horseradish.

As I approached the check out counter, a shapely twentyish-looking woman raced past me. Her pushcart was loaded with six-packs of Corona beer. She wore tight shorts and slosh sandals, but it was her large hair – garish red and full of curlers - that struck me. The curlers were mostly white but a few were brown, and her piercings and tattoos introduced me to a world I had rarely seen before. I told myself I had to get out more.

As I slowed my cart to prevent a wreck, Mz Fashion Maven gave me a grin that said my 83 years were no match for her youth and exuberance. 

The checkout line moved slowly and the delay gave me time to observe Mz Maven, who seemed to be annoyed by my preoccupation with the objects that decorated her hair. As we stood there looking at each other, I politely asked, pointing to her hair, “How many stations can you get on that thing?”

Wow! I quickly regretted the question as the color in her face started to match her hair tint. Suddenly she looked like she had an itch in a place she couldn’t scratch. It really bothered me when she yelled, “How dare you…!” (expletives deleted) in a loud and commanding voice.

When all of the shoppers started staring at me, I wanted them to see that my hands were in my pockets and had been there for a long time. I was embarrassed and started backing away. Outside I watched from behind a truck of watermelons until Mz Maven loaded her supplies beside a chainsaw in her pickup truck. As she pulled out, I saw she had a bumper sticker that read: Practice Beauty & Random Acts of Pleasure.

I munched on saltine crackers while the Broncos beat the Cowboys by three points. I’ve decided to stay at home more.




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